Free Advice?

As soon as you make a new friend, tear their eyes out. That way, they never see you coming, which is a lot more fun. That's why tearing out eyes is like my handshake. And chewing off ears? Well, that's just like a hug! It is. It really is. Ask any of my friends. They won't disagree. But that might, maybe, possibly be because they can't hear you. Or see you. Fun, right? I know.

-Comfort

Are you looking at my bone?

Fuhgetaboutit! Really. Forget. About. It.

-Comfort

What're You Trying to Say?

Are you trying to tell me I'm adopted?

-Comfort

How Very Rude!

No, we are NOT related. And frankly, I resent the question.

-Duchess

Falsely Accused

This is what Mom's bed looks like when she leaves it in the mornings:

This is what Mom's bed looks like when she comes back in the evenings:

And then she says to me, "You've been sleeping in my bed, haven't you?"

And I am like, "Look, lady, I'm not even in your room! See how I'm waiting just outside, like THE BEST DOG IN THE WORLD?"

"And also? The way I refuse to look you in the eyes right now is a sure sign of my innocence."

But still, Mom blames me for this. ME! STILL! Have you ever heard such wild accusations in all your life? I know! I mean, it's obvious that we have a smallish ghost problem. Yes, obviously Mom's bed is haunted. By a smallish ghost. With short black hair. Obviously. DUH.

I am soooooooo mistreated around here! Hmph!

-Comfort

Who's scared of a little rain?

Who's scared of a little thunderstorm? Not me! I just happen to be under Mom's desk in order to um...better guard her shoes - you know how us girls love our shoes!



Of course I'm not scared! How many times do I have to tell you? I am only in Mom's closet to um...better guard her belts and scarves. Actually, I think all accessories should be closely guarded, don't you?


Especially during thunderstorms. Yeah, thunderstorms are known to really wreak havoc on one's accessories. Don't say I didn't warn you.


-The Duchess

Mama's Girls

Comfort: You know how you keep trying to explain to Mom that you’re a dog and not a person?

Duchess: Yes.

Comfort: Well, it's not working.

Duchess: What makes you say that?

Comfort: Mom just put a shirt on me. A SHIRT! And if that's not bad enough, the shirt has MY NAME on it! MY NAME! LOOK!
Duchess: Oh yes, that is bad.

Comfort: Hey, maybe I can rub the shirt off...on the drapes?

Duchess: I think not.

Comfort: This isn’t fair! Where’s your shirt?

Duchess: You must be joking. I would never wear a shirt. I am a dog with dignity. I would sooner tear our mother’s hands off with my teeth than wear a shirt like that – especially with my name on it – nothing says “mama’s girl” like a shirt with your name sewn onto it! How embarrassing!

Two hours later...

Comfort: At least my shirt isn't pink - you look like a hippopotamus.

Duchess: What did you just say?

Comfort: Nothing.

Duchess: That's what I thought.

Comfort: Sigh.

Duchess: Sigh.